Pornography addiction then derivate to pedo watching

[oignondope]

Hi all,

Hope you are well, I wish you a good year 2023. I'm a brand new member of PSC, I invite you to see my introduction in the related topic.

Since I'm 6/7 years old, as I began to see on a late TV show erotic emissions, I'm totally fond of pornography (specially and before all lesbians).
I'm 40 now and this passion never quit me. I became very early addict to porn as I'm addict nowadays to alcohol, sadely. I've a monster collection of movies, I collect and store any porn movie that make me enjoy.

2 years ago I SEARCHED and found pedo videos on P2P networks (I insist on the upper case: I decided impulsively to search it, as a great pee envy haha), and it pleased me (not all, e.g. babies: not). I was very excited as never, and in the same time horribly terrified and depressed. It's like I was bored by years to always search the same kind of videos that my unconsciousness "raped" me. The most strange thing in all my history is I always finished by finding and get what I wanted really! Because I BELIEVE in that, it's my conception of life. God, at less a "superior power", exists!

"good" pedo videos are for me pedomom/pedowoman with girls (logic as I love lesbians) but I also like to see man with boys.

I done a suicide attempt few months after enjoyed my firsts pedo videos. I passed by many and many questions in psychiatric hospital, "I am crazy", "I'm a horrible man", "Have I been raped by uncle or grandmother/father when I was young and don't remember ?", etc... But now I finally accepted it. I assume my pedophilia porn addiction. Even if fear of police discovering me is present, with all that implies like family banning, prison, or whatelse... I've more serenity to be able to discuss about my real state, without lying to myself 

We will all die a day, I think I'm "epicurian" since I'm born, so I enjoy each moment and more the ages pass, more the surprise of the life is offering jewels.

Thank you for reading!

 

[on the rocks]

What you describe, oignondope, sounds like what I call "porno creep".  This is the phenomenon by which a person gets accustomed to some type of porn to the point where it's not as stimulating as it once was, so they seek out something more kinky or extreme.  They explore fetishes or different sexual pairings and that works for a while, but also gets boring eventually.  So their porn tastes "creep" toward more and more extreme and outrageous content.  Child porn can be just another one of those spicy new porn niches the experienced porn user can stumble into and be suddenly interested in.  Whereas such things would have been unthinkable years before, now it's something their bored penis hasn't seen before.

You see a thousand women taking a load of a sperm in their face, it gets old.  Until one day mid-fap, there's suddenly a 12 year old girl taking a load to the face you can't help but think it's the hottest thing ever.  What a rush to get off to something so wrong; so forbidden!  Maybe there's more!  Maybe with a younger girl....

That's porno creep.
I think it accounts for a substantial percentage of all child porn consumers.  They're probably not actual pedophiles and would never touch a real kid.  They're just bored with watching adults fucking.  I don't know if that describes you, but based on the history you shared, it could be.

[oignondope]

Hi on the rocks, thanks for your reply,

You are possible right, I'm so craving for porn that became to bore me at 38 yo. Then I discovered pedo videos (just images don't interest me) and it was so totally new in term of "dimension". Each person have it's own fantasms and fetishes, it's in our mankind nature, our DNA (that's making thinking about the Paris "soupeurs", some extremely "gore" people the trip was to enter public toilets with bread and start to fill the bread into dirty toilets, then eat it, uro/scaptophilia for sure but the concept is just like chaos, however it's pure human behavior). A friend likes to tell "whatever you think as crazy is your idea, anyone on this planet already minded it too).

I think your term of "creep" is to make reference of "on the knees", means guy who have made the all around of his "passion" and search for really newly sensations. It's effectively my case; CP is for me recently that. 

Cheers!

I could add I'm actually looking (fantasming/dreaming, more) for register to a CP darknet site but I've no many trust and I know the risks to pay in bitcoins, even if somebodies tells it's likely anonymous... I would need advises, please. On the CP site in question, their is a .onion email address, I'm searching how to write on it, to ask if it's not FBI behind haha!

(merged double post)

[on the rocks]

I could add I'm actually looking (fantasming/dreaming, more) for register to a CP darknet site but I've no many trust and I know the risks to pay in bitcoins, even if somebodies tells it's likely anonymous... I would need advises, please. On the CP site in question, their is a .onion email address, I'm searching how to write on it, to ask if it's not FBI behind haha!

We don't traffic in links to CP sites at PSC, oignondope.  People are on their own for that.
I will tell you that you should not have to exchange any cryptocurrency or use a valid email address to access child pornography.  All of the places on the darkweb where legit child porn is found are not set up in that manner.  Any place that is asking for crypto is quite possibly a scam, or worse, a trap.  When you find the right places, there should be no more steps to getting in than there are to join PSC.

[oignondope]

Hi on the rocks,
Yes, I guess and know PSC is not a place for share links or medias, and it's better as this. Thank you for your advises!
Have a good evening.

[Dshawz]

oignondope,
You're not alone, in fact, this is exactly what happens for most men who are into pornography. "Porn Creep", is simply the natural progression of seeking out increasingly more intense or inventive sexual stimulus in order to keep receiving the dopamine hit we got when we started. I am convinced that part of the reason I got into CandyDoll studio and its models is due to what I thought was "outrageous" content at the time - the fact that it was forbidden; but I couldn't help myself as my response was so powerfully visceral to the material.

I am not a religious person and am wary of organizations that purport to have the keys to truth. However, there's some strength in finding a local support group for addiction. You don't have to disclose what it is that you're addicted to; but as a former recovered alcoholic, I did fine solace with those of like mind. Perhaps this forum will provide that for you in the meantime.

I agree with 'on the rocks' - I think that it might also just be the novelty of the extreme that you're addicted to, and not so much the actual content.

[oignondope]

Hi Dshawz!

I'm ready to believe CP and pedophilia is the extremity of the human perversion (Evil)
I'm ready to believe CP and pedophilia is love, education, maturation, life (Angel)
Which of them should I follow ???

Pornography remains a great ART for me, it's really art. Beauty of human in it's best of the life's triad: drink&eat / sleep / Sex, far beyond our poor materialist society, is inexplicable. I mean it's a sensation, even a dimension. Pornography deserve it's 80% world motivation haha! And you're true, "forbidden" is forbidden to not have to break limits, so go straight away without care of anything, following your instinct and pulsions! That's life is trying to learn to me from the beginning, but I've mask in front of my eyes...

[Dshawz]

And you're true, "forbidden" is forbidden to not have to break limits, so go straight away without care of anything, following your instinct and pulsions! That's life is trying to learn to me from the beginning, but I've mask in front of my eyes...

I don't think it is a binary, black and white argument about whether CP is "good" or "evil". It's neither actually. CP is a business, like any other. It happens to service a specific need, in the same way that magazines like Penthouse, Hustler and Playboy have done for deades. The only difference is that society has not evolved to accept that there's nuance in this sexual orientation and has simply labelled us as "too complicated' and thrown the full weight of law enforcement at us.

I also think CP can be exploitative; but CP can also be art. If we look at it the same way we look at sexual content in the mainstream, things become clearer for us within the group at the very least. We can't do anything about how we're viewed from the outside, but we can at least remove the shame and stigma we put on ourselves.

[oignondope]

Hello Dshawz,

That's clear CP is a business, banned from our society's rules and moralist way of conduct, and how many people loving porno never thought they could enjoy looking at pedophilia movies or pictures in his life ? Don't want to enter in the discussion about "pedophilia is it a mental sickness or a normal/instinctive biological thing", but I wonder if hypocrisy is not at least 80% of our behaviors, in the whole life of our human being: we pass many time to hide some essential feelingd to others (family, colleagues, friends... - I mean IRL, not facebook & co -), as our angers or loves for this and that, to protect ourself I think against the fear of judgement. If only we could read into others brain real thoughts, this would reassure me: there will be ever "worst" of me. "Only adults" porn watchers as me before to turn into CP enjoyer, will never find as much as material they want, now. Too difficult, even impossible, specially when you have a fetish you could almost give your life to realize your fantasm about it! I would PM you, Dshawz.   

[NaplesEve]

Hi all,

Hope you are well, I wish you a good year 2023. I'm a brand new member of PSC, I invite you to see my introduction in the related topic.

Since I'm 6/7 years old, as I began to see on a late TV show erotic emissions, I'm totally fond of pornography (specially and before all lesbians).
I'm 40 now and this passion never quit me. I became very early addict to porn as I'm addict nowadays to alcohol, sadely. I've a monster collection of movies, I collect and store any porn movie that make me enjoy.

2 years ago I SEARCHED and found pedo videos on P2P networks (I insist on the upper case: I decided impulsively to search it, as a great pee envy haha), and it pleased me (not all, e.g. babies: not). I was very excited as never, and in the same time horribly terrified and depressed. It's like I was bored by years to always search the same kind of videos that my unconsciousness "raped" me. The most strange thing in all my history is I always finished by finding and get what I wanted really! Because I BELIEVE in that, it's my conception of life. God, at less a "superior power", exists!

"good" pedo videos are for me pedomom/pedowoman with girls (logic as I love lesbians) but I also like to see man with boys.

I done a suicide attempt few months after enjoyed my firsts pedo videos. I passed by many and many questions in psychiatric hospital, "I am crazy", "I'm a horrible man", "Have I been raped by uncle or grandmother/father when I was young and don't remember ?", etc... But now I finally accepted it. I assume my pedophilia porn addiction. Even if fear of police discovering me is present, with all that implies like family banning, prison, or whatelse... I've more serenity to be able to discuss about my real state, without lying to myself 

We will all die a day, I think I'm "epicurian" since I'm born, so I enjoy each moment and more the ages pass, more the surprise of the life is offering jewels.

Thank you for reading!

Stay strong, my friend. I was terribly ashamed of myself for many years after discovering my my own proclivetis but i ended up accepting myself for who i am. Realy i feel so much better about myself! I use to use p2p servers for CP but i fortunately found a new and much safer place to get it. once I accpeted myself i found peace.

God Bless,
NaplesEve